Amore

Hi you guys! It’s the weekend, and it’s a nice day out. I went bowling with my family, and a song came on, and I thought of my ex. I guess, I was in love with him. I sometimes wonder, when I will stop thinking about him, he really never wanted to be with me, or felt anything for me. He never said one kind word. I thought I was okay, just being by myself, but I think I want to date again. I think the reason for me, still thinking of him, and having angry and sad thoughts..because I am never going to have closure, I will have to come to peace with it somehow. I am never going to hear an apology, or hope he might see how he had a good thing, and beg me back. I never heard an apology from him, and I never will. If you breakup, without a resolution, you have to come to peace, and let go. That’s what I am doing. I want to meet someone, that would be good to me, and a great father figure for my son. I think everything happens for a reason, and I believe in Karma. Its almost three months, and I have been crying and angry. I guess I was in Love with him, what is love? How do you know you are in love? Is it loving everything about that person, and their flaws as well. Still love that person, the way they are. It wasn’t being received back. I think he wanted to change me, the way he wanted. He couldn’t like me for me. I was changing for him, and I shouldn’t have to. It made me feel, after it was over, that I wasn’t beautiful, that he might prefer that woman right there, instead of me. Sometimes I catch myself, wanting to call him…knowing he wouldn’t answer. I want this year, to go out of my comfort, and try to hit on a guy, and flirt. I need work on that lolol..
What is love to you? The word has different meaning for everyone. I never loved anyone, or said it to anyone, for a long long time, until him. He never said it back….

ME

Hi you guys! I just wanted to let you know I created this site, about the different issues you might be facing in a relationship, or might have faced. I am having bad luck in finding a guy, that is funny, straight forward, honest, trusting, and wants to be in a committed relationship. I am a single mom, and I want to share my experiences and hopefully someone can relate, and I will be giving advice and other stories that were told to me. I hope you do like my blog, and if you want to share something let me know. Thank you to all my readers. One of the things I love is the water, beaches. I was born in Hawaii, and would like to go back one day and visit.

Shhhhh…SECRETS

SecretsTrust? Today I was talking to someone that was having issues with his girlfriend. He wants go out, but his girlfriend doesn’t want him to hang out with his friends. It reminded me of my Ex-boyfriend, he was always accusing me of having other boyfriends. When I am with that person, I am with that person. Before I met him, I had complete trust in a guy, what he said, I believed. When I met this one, I will just call him, Mr. X. When I met him, I was dating him almost a year, I never went to his house, he never mentioned his son name, and he never talked too much about his past. He never opened up anything too much about himself. I did ask him, why can’t I see your house? He said, “I don’t want you to stalk me.” I thought, “Really??? You think I am that type, I don’t know what situation you had, I am not that way.” He always compared me to his exes, and they did the same things I did, say “I will miss you.” I didn’t like to be compared, or he would say,” They all did that.” He would tell me stories of how his ex would cheat on him. “I am not like that,” I told him, “Don’t compare me to your exes.” Because he was so secretive, I wasn’t sure if he was seeing someone else or not, I wasn’t trusting him fully. If you keep secrets, they will eventually come to the surface. If he left his phone out, and there was a call, I would try to see the phone. He one time sent a message to my phone about house items he was going to give me..I thought, but the message wasn’t for me. He said the message was for his mechanic. Because of the secrets he kept, he never gave me a chance, and deep down I felt he was talking to someone else. I feel in a relationship you have to keep the communication open, and the trust has to be there. When you keep secrets your partner won’t be able to trust you. Eventually, if we had an argument I wouldn’t say anything, because he wouldn’t understand me, and he would continue to argue, so nothing wasn’t resolved, just brush under the rug. My next relationship, I will trust, but I will be aware of the signs.
I was going to also tell you when you should sleep with your partner. I feel guys that wine you and dine you, want something in return. With my ex, I told him, I don’t do anything the first night. If you do, it shows your to easy. You should be with the person you like, when you feel right. If a guy gets upset, because you told him to wait, he is only out for one thing. That is what happen to me, I felt he didn’t want it to be serious, because he wanted to have fun, he couldn’t give a straight answer about his feelings towards me, couldn’t talk about the future. We are both grown adults, so..if you wait a week or few days that’s fine, so what does that say, about you… I felt I didn’t know when it was a good time, I know only when the time was right, and I felt comfortable. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, because you won’t feel right afterwards…
Stay True to You….

Photo by Govinda Valbuena on Pexels.com

HALF GLASS EMPTY

Photo by Burak Kebapci on Pexels.com
Hi you guys!!! I was driving home from work  today, and the music that came had the lyrics,  “My Favorite color is you, I want to feel something again.”  I started getting flash back of my ex or I had a longing for someone. Uggg!  He isn’t thinking of me like this. What are the red flags  to  look out for when you are in a relationship. I knew them, did I listen, nope..my heart was controlling me. I had the hope he was going to change, the hope. Some of the signs to look out for is: he has two phones, not really wanting to talk to you too much, he makes you cry all the time, don’t want to meet your family, or he says the most obvious, “I  don’t want to be in a committed relationship.” In the beginning it might be nice, but if the signs start showing, pay attention. It’s hard, when you are like half way through the year. I love the feeling of love, the romance. You can’t think of nothing of him, and you will buy his favorite food, drink, and do  pretty much anything he wants. The relationship has to go both ways.  He has to treat you the same, and respect you. I would say, wait at least a month, to see who he is.  I want to tell you a story, there was this woman who got married, she thought he loved her. Her family never met him. He used her to get his citizenship, and made her have low self esteem, so she wouldn’t run away, “who would want you.”  She left him, it took some time. That’s a red flag. If I guy is showing you a glass that’s full in  the beginning of a relationship, wait to see if the glass is half empty. Meaning,  they don’t show you their true selves until your half way into the relationship. If they disrespect you, don’t show you affection, no kind word, or think of themselves, he is showing you that the glass is really half empty. It took me awhile to get over the hurt, sometimes the hurt still lingers. I knew how mean he was treating me, and I still wanted to be with him, I was thinking of the good things and maybe he will change. I told him, ” I am beautiful,” one day while was sitting on the couch. He looked at me and smiled ” who told you, that you were beautiful.” I played it off, smile, but it hurt.  But really.. I am beautiful. lol  Just don’t give yourself fully, until he shows himself. Actions does speak louder.

If you have  a story you want to share or a subject I might had experience in, and want advice, you can contact me. Thank You for reading, and I hope I helped.

“Do not hold your breath for anyone,

do not wish your lungs to be still.

It may delay the cracks from spreading,

but eventually they will.

Sometimes to keep yourself together,

you must allow yourself to leave.

Even if breaking your own heart

Is what it takes to let you breath.”

by Erin Hanson.

selective focus photography of clear wine glass
Photo by Burak Kebapci on Pexels.com

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall….

photo of woman looking at the mirror
Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

How do you suppose to look when you want to meet someone?  I waked up in the morning, early, before waking my son up for school. I make his lunch, get his clothes, I shower. I always, look in the mirror, how should I put my hair?  I put my makeup in the car sometimes, because it’s hard getting out of the house with a 9 year old. I need to make an effort, because you never know, today might be the day I meet my love. Lol. But, I sometimes put lipstick, and eyeliner. I have good skin,  I don’t put too much. I like putting on makeup, and I want to look good for myself because it make me feel good.  I do have my days, where  I don’t like my appearance.  I think guys judge, just as much as women.  Is online dating easier, because you get to know the personality first. My ex wanted me to have my hair a certain way, lipstick color, everything. You don’t need to change yourself for someone to like you. Take care of yourself, love yourself for you. He should think your beautiful in sweats. I feel it’s hard for me, because guys are looking for certain things, which is fine, because women want men that are tall, or short or bald. I don’t know what I am doing wrong, because I am pretty, smart, easy going. I am not thin or big, average. I do have his, I might need to work on my stomach little bit, but I am beautiful. You have to love yourself, and confidence. After all I been through,I still have hope that my man will come. I do get down about myself sometimes, and I  need to try harder in the morning, with makeup. The most striking about me is my eyes. I have big eyes, I use to hate it, but I love it.  My ex made me have low self esteem, and never said  I was beautiful.  I am free from that situation, and focusing on loving me. So be confident in you, love  you. Your not alone, about how you might feel about yourself. If a guy wants to change you, he isn’t the one.

Kisses

man kissing woman
Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

I remember my first kiss. I lived in Italy at the time, I had to be around 15 or 16. My friend wanted me to come with her on a  date with an Italian guy. A double date at the beach in the late afternoon.  I went with her, as I was hanging out with the guy, he asked me for  a kiss. I said, “No.”  He had asked me, “Okay, on the cheek then.”  I told him okay, but when I was leaning in towards his cheek, he turned his head, and kissed me, with tongue. lol.   I think kissing is part of the romance, and you have to be a good kisser, if not…bye. What does a kiss say? If he gives you a passionate kiss, he loves you. If he gives you pecks on the lip.. not really.  Ladies make sure, if you are dating someone, he kisses you in public, anytime. I was seeing someone that showed no intimate kiss in public. As a single mom, finding that love is hard.  When you are a single mom, you have to be careful to show any affection to the guy you like, around your child. If it’s been you and your daughter or son for a long time, move lightly…
Quote:” A man kiss is his signature.” by Mae West.
Photo by Govinda Valbuena on Pexels.com

My Thoughts…

I have a broken heart..it’s mending.  I sometimes get this sadness inside, a moment, like a cloud covering the sun for a moment. I just gave so much of myself..I have to tell you something, I forgot to share. I allowed my ex back,  When he left me the first time, he wanted his space, the signs were there. He came back, and allowed it, and he left again, saying it’s over, because I asked a question, ” Are you talking to someone else?” There was something wrong with him, I am not perfect, but there was. I am the stupid one, second time around. I allowed it, because my heart still had feelings for him, although he never showed his, and he knew it. I don’t know if you have this feeling after a fall out with a guy, but I had questions like,  “What did I do wrong?”  I know I didn’t do anything, but I think it wasn’t working for him, commitment….

Really?

Quote of the day: “When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you.” by kelly M.
Hi you guys!  I wanted to talk to you about something. Today, I was reading the news, and there was an article  about a famous public figure, already with a girlfriend, didn’t he just get a divorce? No, I am not talking about the president. lol. I mean,  there is no grieving or respect for the other one? How long before you start dating. For me, it would take me time, because the memories are still fresh. I remember a time, when I had given up everything for this guy I was dating long ago. We dated almost four years. He loved surfing, I would sit on the beach for hours, till the sun went down waiting for him. I cooked for him, and helped him, and I kinda lost myself. I moved down to central America for a little bit, because he wanted to start his beach house business. I felt alone, because I got no help in getting situated in a new country.  He loved surfing, so I would be sleeping, and he would already be at the beach, leaving  me at the house. He didn’t help me get situated, I ended up going back to the United States. I told him  I wanted to stay in the U.S., and he didn’t want to. We broke up, we cried, and he said I was the best girlfriend. The next day, I called him, and he seemed okay, wasn’t sad. I was so so surprised, and he said, ” I was sad yesterday, what do you want me to do?” It does hurt, when you give all of yourself and nothing in return. I believe you both have to give in a relationship.  I did go on a few dates later on, but no relationship.  I think there is no time, it can be anytime, it depends when you were done in the relationship, when you checked out.
Story of the day:  My friend was dating a guy for 3 years. She heard rumors he had another woman. He told her, he had no other woman. One day, she went to a concert with friends. On the boardwalk, she saw a couple pass by. Who was it….her man holding hands with another woman. He casually said “HI”, and went on by.  Really??

sunset hands love woman
Photo by Stokpic on Pexels.com

Traces of Me

Hi you guys!! I wanted to write  a little of myself. I am studying history, I love learning about the  past, and how the earth evolved and changed. I love reading history, and can’t believe things happened before I was born. Pictures taken of the past, frozen for that one moment. I have been studying history for over 9 years, and I am into the holocaust and world war II.  My mother was born in Chile, and she grew up  in Chile and Australia. My love for my child, family and love of the for reading, keeps me happy. I grew up all over the world, I love learning about people culture, or way of life. I am hoping to travel next year, no I will. Some of the challenges of a single mom, is having that freedom, that pleasure to save up for that holiday. I grew up, with my father in the military. I love overseas, and I feel sometimes it was a dream. I think when I met a guy in the past, they never showed me their true selves. I think they have a mask on in the beginning, and for me I always trusted, what was in front of me.  I haven’t been out for awhile, just to the movies, and bookstore, does that count? No, lolol. My brother, said I need to go out to a lounge, or club. Honestly, I think for a single mom, you have to push yourself to go out. I will though, I feel if I was overseas, it would be easier to date, because the guys are more forward, and approaching. The guys here, it’s not like how it was  back then. Open the door for you, pay for your food. My ex, the guy I was seeing, opened the door, he had the smile, but he was playing a game. He wasn’t all bad, there was some nice qualities. But you have to think to yourself, and write. What weighs more, the bad or the good?

Quick Followup

I also wanted to add, on Friday, I will talk about when is it a good time, to give the goodies to your man you just met. As a single mom, it’s finding that person you want to share your life with, but the men don’t truly show themselves until later. If you don’t give all of you, in the beginning, will they be upset, or leave after the deed been done? I met guys that say the things you want to hear, I do actions are they key, and I will tell more Friday. I am trying to find myself and love myself, before this this relationship was known to me. I also will putting photos of historic places. Sorry, it took long to post, I really want you guys to know how hard for a single mom, to find love, without losing yourself. I will also tell you more about myself.